Managing Expectations:- Self Value and Self Worth

By this time of the year, many secondary 4 students would have received their preliminary exam results, while for JC2 students, they should be having their preliminary exam currently. This is a stressful period for everyone, students, parents, school teachers and tutors. I am feeling the heat too. I am constantly worrying for my students, worrying whether they are performing up to standard, whether they are meeting their own expectations, or even their parents' expectations for some cases.

So, what is this big hype about expectations? Sure do, every parent hope that their child is performing beyond their expectations, every students hope that they are performing up to their own expectations of themselves. Similarly, I am hoping that my students can remember what I have taught them, and be able to apply these skills, and perform up to their own expectations.

However, in every exams, there are always some students who may performed below par. I am writing this because I hope that everyone can understand that expectations is something intangible, and it should not be a means to evaluate a child's potential, self worth and self value. Expectations is something that we hope to achieve, something that we try our very best to work towards. If we did not manage to meet our expectations, it could mean, either, the expectations are too high, or we did not work hard enough to achieve it.

I sincerely hope that at this point in time, for students who managed to perform well and outdone yourself, well done and great job! Your efforts have paid off! Perhaps then, maybe now it's time for you to increase your expectations slightly, just a tad higher, so that you constantly have room for improvement! On the other hand, for students who did not manage to meet your expectations, perhaps it is then time for you to sit down and re-evaluate. Is it because you have set your expectations too high? Or is it because you did not try your very best to achieve it. Evaluate it yourself, and think it through. To parents who are reading this, try your best not to jump to the conclusion that your child is underperforming because they did not try hard enough. Perhaps, the expectations are indeed a tad to hard to achieve. We do know that not every child is the same, not every child is good in mathematics and science, not everyone is an all rounder.

If this time round, you are still performing below your expectations, remember to re-evaluate. Do not doubt your own value and worth just based on your examination results. Not doing well in a science does not mean your value and worth is any lower than another student who aces all his/her subjects.

A student of mine has managed to obtain an A2 grade for her Chemistry preliminary exams. I am happy for her, even though she missed an A1 by 1%. So what? Through our learning journey, she has improved from C6 to A2! It is the journey that counts, not just the end results! Another student achieved a C6. Am I equally happy for him? Yes! Why? Because this is the first time he managed to pass Chemistry! He has come a long way too! Through our learning journey, he has improve from F9 to C6!

So, it may seem like I should be more happy for the student getting the A2 than the other getting a C6. Frankly speaking, not so. In fact, I am equally happy for both of them because both of them have managed to meet their respective expectations! Just because he has only managed to get a C6, and thus he is valued any lesser, or worth any lesser than the student getting an A2. I strongly believe that this doesn't determine the self value or self worth of anyone.

Similarly, I hope that all parents out there can try to see your child's performance from another perspective. So long he has shown an improvement, he/she deserves that praise from you, simply because, there is an improvement! Focusing solely on the end result may not bode well for anyone, students and parents alike, as this may simply add more unnecessary stress to both parties.

Hence, if your child or student has shown any improvement, regardless of the outcome, do give them a pat on the back, and tell them that they did a good job. Try harder next time!